I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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