I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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