Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
