i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sorry about my life...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
