I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
