bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize