its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
