Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
