Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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