I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
