Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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