we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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