Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
