I wish I could punch you in the face.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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