When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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