Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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