i think my tv is drunk
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
