Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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