There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
