Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
