So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
