i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
