I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
