ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
