how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
