I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
