It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
