I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
