In the future we'll all be gay
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
