Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
