haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize