Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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