don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
