the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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