roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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