Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
