I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
