my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
