Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
