just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
