...so i touched it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
