I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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