Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
