This is not my ceiling
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
