i think i have herpe
just one?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
