Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
