Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
