anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This is classic penis vs brain.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
