It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
