What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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