There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
