if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize