Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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