We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Who died my cat blue again?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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