she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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