Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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