One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
