He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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