i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
