i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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