I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
