I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize