Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
