Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
cat food counts as protein by the way
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
