SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
