we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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