apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
