Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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