so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
