i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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