I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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